here you go part II

Rhys wrote: do a google for 'tripboards', you kow when you've found it - the forum reminds me of a tub of StIvel Gold - bit Norwegion if you know what I mean.. ..and for those who can't be bothered looking... Clicky

Incidently, anyone who does venture over to where I am will see that around 50% of the posts are mine. Its why I am determined to make the site work regardless of the lack of interest from its owners/admin. The site hasn't been around long and IMHO its worth keeping alive. Its just unfortunate that the admin there aren't so keen.

Edited by Goldryder

 

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.



GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

 

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.




THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.



SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Popeye

Lets get the ball rolling again, one for monday morning folks,

Little Johnny strikes again,

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was Fascinating."  

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating.

" Sally raised her hand She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

" Little Johnny raised his hand. The Teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her t*ts are so big she can only fasten eight."

The poor teacher sat down and cried..........

Desert Outpost

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

(From an Aussie travel website....honest)

Doctor says to paddy, ur wife has had triplets, paddy says im not suprised i've got a willy like a chimney, doctor says well get it swept the kids are coloured.

Alzeimers or Parkinsons which one would you rather have?

Parkinsons of course! better to spill half of your pint than forget where you left the bleeding thing

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking.......
and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away...Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"


CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.

She says, "What's the story?"

He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"

She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with,

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her accident, she asks, 

"Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price."

Go on then here's another,

Two strangers, a man and a woman, found themselves assigned to the same

sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed about sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

 

After a short while, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman

saying, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you mind reaching into the

closet to get me a second blanket? I'm very cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend

that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied.  "Get your own f**king blanket!"

 

 

After a brief moment of silence... he farted.

Bet you thought this thread had died - but NO!

Apparently there are some soccer games happening which we are involved in? But not for long I'm told??

In the meanwhile, I'm told this is a typical supporter .................

 

Very patriotic, catch her whilst you can

just had to share this with you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdBFi5ug7gE