Best Clean Caption Wins...

A ventriloquist visiting the north east walks into a small village and sees a local sitting in his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the man

"Can I talk to your dog?"

Colin: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Colin: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is Colin your owner?" (pointing to Colin)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Colin: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Colin: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either.... I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Colin: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the Colin)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Colin: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Colin: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar

[Who is Colin?]

oh ewe are awful but I like ewe...