Bavarian-Board.co.uk - BMW Owners Discussion Forum Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > General Forums > General Off Topic Forum
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Joke
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

Forum LockedJoke
 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
topazman View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 2629 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote topazman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Joke
    Posted: 12-September-2006 at 16:59

Aunt Ivonne was in the garden tending to her flowers when she got the urge to pee. So she did and wiped off her dew on a rose. Uncle Fred came along later, picked up the rose, sniffed it, then ran to phone the newspaper editor.

"I found a rose that smells like a woman's you-know-what!"

The editor said, "That's nothing. When you find a you-know-what that smells like a rose, call me again."

 
Now 2004 M3 Coupe Silver Grey with all the bits
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
topazman View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 2629 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote topazman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12-September-2006 at 17:00

The top 10 rejection lines given by women.

    10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo playing geek in 'Deliverance')

    9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (I don't want to do my dad.)

    8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on.)

    7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

    6. I've got a boyfriend. (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's.)

    5. I don't date men where I work. (I wouldn't date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

    4. It's not you, it's me. (It's you.)

    3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

    2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)

    1. Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and lay. It's the male perspective thing.)
Now 2004 M3 Coupe Silver Grey with all the bits
Back to Top
topazman View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 2629 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote topazman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12-September-2006 at 17:01

One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Essex girl ran into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring then said, "Isn't having nine babies a little much?"

"Well," she said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be something in the air."

"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"

 
Now 2004 M3 Coupe Silver Grey with all the bits
Back to Top
topazman View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 2629 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote topazman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12-September-2006 at 17:02
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. <>

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."
 

 
Now 2004 M3 Coupe Silver Grey with all the bits
Back to Top
topazman View Drop Down
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Avatar

Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 2629 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote topazman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12-September-2006 at 17:03
A Nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood Cowboy bar. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the Nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the Nun asked.

"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf."

"Nonsense", said the Nun, "I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the Nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand, "said the puzzled Nun. "You see", laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place...Now, how about that drink?"
<>
 
Now 2004 M3 Coupe Silver Grey with all the bits
Back to Top
Aidan316i View Drop Down
Really Senior Member II
Really Senior Member II
Avatar

Joined: 10-April-2005
Location: Derry, N.I
Status: Offline
Points: 606 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aidan316i Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12-September-2006 at 17:45
LMAO!

Brilliant topazman!



Now Do some work!
www.ni-bmw.co.uk

E46 316i Saloon
E36 323i Touring
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down



This page was generated in 0.164 seconds.