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IamSpartacus View Drop Down
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Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01-December-2006 at 23:18
looks more like crap to me Hoss!

Edited by Derek M5
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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thepits View Drop Down
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Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01-December-2006 at 23:20

Originally posted by Horsetan Horsetan wrote:

Merlot...a good red wine.....

erh? no actually it isn't



Edited by thepits
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Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01-December-2006 at 23:22
good Merlot is nice, Haut Merlot is superb
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Points: 10000473 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thepits Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01-December-2006 at 23:26

Originally posted by Derek M5 Derek M5 wrote:

good Merlot is nice, Haut Merlot is superb

poser!

 

(and this from some-one who is budaPEST?)

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Points: 6381 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Horsetan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02-December-2006 at 00:17

Originally posted by Derek M5 Derek M5 wrote:

looks more like crap to me Hoss!

 

'tis only crap after you've stepped in it


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IamSpartacus View Drop Down
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Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02-December-2006 at 00:23
crap is crap is crap Ivan.... if it smells like sh*t and looks like sh*t it ain't chocolate!
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If you can't be good don't get caught
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Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20-December-2006 at 08:51

God! He gets everywhere.....

Can you see Jesus?
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Religion: 'tis a real bummer, Derek

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Jesus! I can see Jesus.
1995 e36 3.0 M3 Coupe, Daytona Violet, AP Racing BBK, CCFL Angel Eyes, M3 Spoiler, M-Tec 3 Steering Wheel.   
2000 530d Steptronic, Poverty Spec, 18" Alloys.
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Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-January-2007 at 15:31

Top 35 Oxymorons:

35. State worker

34. Legally drunk

33. Exact estimate

32. Act naturally

31. Found missing

30. Resident alien

29. Genuine imitation

28. Airline food

27. Good grief

26. Government organization

25. Sanitary landfill

24. Alone together

23. Small crowd

22. Business ethics

21. Soft rock

20. Train schedule

19. Military intelligence

18. Sweet sorrow

17. Compassionate conservative

16. "Now, then..."

15. Passive aggression

14. Clearly misunderstood

13. Peace force

12. Extinct life

11. Plastic glasses

10. Terribly pleased

9. Computer security

8. Political science

7. Tight slacks

6. Definite maybe

5. Pretty ugly

4. Rap music

3. Working vacation

2. Religious tolerance

And the No. 1 oxymoron ...

1.    Microsoft Works
 

Now you know what an oxymoron is!!!
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
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Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-January-2007 at 15:32

Sitting In A Pub Having A Pint Of Beer

A South African, an Aussie and a Scotsman were sitting in a pub having a pint of beer.

The South African grabs his beer downs it, tosses his glass into the air, draws a handgun and shoots the glass in mid-air. He grins to the other two, puts the gun down on the bar and says

"In Souff Efrika we haf so many glasses we never drink out of the same glass twice".

The Aussie then downs his beer throws his glass into the air, grabs the gun off the bar, shoots the glass, puts the gun back on the bar and proclaims;

"Ay mate, in Oz we have so much sand which makes glass really cheap so we too never drink out of the same glass twice".

The Scotsman looks at the two of them, finishes his beer, puts the glass down on the bar, picks up the gun, shoots both the Aussie and the South African and says;

"In Scotland we have so many South Africans and Aussies that we never have to drink with the same ones twice!”

 
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
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Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-January-2007 at 15:33

The new Rangers manager

Substitue names of rival town or city and football club where appropriate!

The new Rangers manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is suitably impressed and arranges him to come over to Ibrox.

Two weeks later Rangers are 4-0 down to Celtic with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers.

The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.

"Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having great time."

The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?!" says his mum, "It's your fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place.”
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
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Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14-January-2007 at 15:33

A guide to different religions

Taoism: s*** happens.

Zen: What is the sound of s*** happening?

Hinduism: This s***'s happened before.

Buddhism: If s*** happens, it isn't really s***.

Islam: If s*** happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: s*** happens because we don't work hard enough.

Catholicism: s*** happens because we are bad.

Christian Fundamentalism: s*** happens because the Bible says so.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock. "s*** happens".

Judaism: Why does s*** always happen to us?

Agnosticism: We don't know s***.

Atheism: No s***.

Hare Krishna: s*** happens - rama rama ding ding.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this s***.
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
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Originally posted by Jack735 Jack735 wrote:

A guide to different religions

Taoism: s*** happens.

Zen: What is the sound of s*** happening?

Hinduism: This s***'s happened before.

Buddhism: If s*** happens, it isn't really s***.

Islam: If s*** happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: s*** happens because we don't work hard enough.

Catholicism: s*** happens because we are bad.

Christian Fundamentalism: s*** happens because the Bible says so.

Jehovah's Witness: Knock, knock. "s*** happens".

Judaism: Why does s*** always happen to us?

Agnosticism: We don't know s***.

Atheism: No s***.

Hare Krishna: s*** happens - rama rama ding ding.

Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this s***.

What a load of s*** !

Mike

Current:E34 540i Touring 6 speed manual(Mpower bodykit & suspension)& Chrysler Voyager 3.3 V6 auto
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Points: 3625 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote IamSpartacus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15-January-2007 at 11:03

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.

"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.

"What sort of horse?" said the owner.

"A female horth" the dwarf replies.

So the owner shows him a mare.

"Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"

So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.

"Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"

Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.

"Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.

By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.

"Nithe eerth.' he says 'Now...can I see her twot?"

With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horses fanny . He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.

The dwarf shakes his head and says: "Perhapth I should weefwaze that... Can I thee her wun awound?"

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
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Points: 2280 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 540 V8 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18-January-2007 at 22:15

roflmao!!!!

Not laughed that hard in ages!! Nice one Derek!

Mike

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Points: 3311 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rossi Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25-January-2007 at 11:37

Got this today..

Think this sums up the recent events on BigBro..
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Need to add BB & Jade ***** to the autofilter methinks worthless bint doesn't deserve any bandwitdh

 

ETA Bugger did I just give her some more?
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Points: 1055 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jack735 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25-January-2007 at 21:54

Does anybody stir their tea/cofee anti-clockwise?

 

Just wondered
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
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