The Neverending Thread

Goldryder wrote: Allegedly a true story:  Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, 'that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark 'good luck, Mr. Gorky.'

But not - as he revealed recently on TV

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

 

The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?'

 

Donald frowned and said, 'No.'

 

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

 

'Maybe they sell them at the front desk?' she suggested.

 

So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

 

'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.

 

The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill?

 

'No! 'Donald quacked, What kind of a pervert do you think I am?'

Allegedly a true story:

July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.

His first words after stepping on the moon, 'that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' were televised to earth and heard by millions.

But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark 'good luck, Mr. Gorky.'

Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut.

However, upon checking, there was no Gorky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the 'good luck, Mr. Gorky'... statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5,1995, in Tampa Bay,Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.

Mr. Gorky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.

His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbour's yard by the bedroom windows.

His neighbours were Mr. and Mrs. Gorky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorky shouting at Mr. Gorky.

'Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!'

The other night, my wife started moaning to me ...

 

"You never take me anywhere expensive anymore"

 

I said "Come on then, grab your coat"

 

Excitedly she said "Where are we going?"

 

"The petrol station." I replied

Goldryder wrote: Not sure if this has already been posted on here...but...click on 'begin' once page loads and see how many you recognise http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/

[I need to be careful how I reply to this, in case I get categorised ]

Brilliant, I had a really good laugh, trying to match the Warriors to forum members

Welcome back to the forum G

nero wrote: ^^^^^^^^^ thepits wrote: and then you spoilt it with a Pot, kettle black - Nelson Mandela joke

yeh, but that's in the Irish forum - who reads that

Little Mary was never good in Sunday School, so she decided to sleep through class, but one day the teacher asked her a question "Mary who created the universe?"

 

Mary never moved from her deep sleep, so Johnny a little boy who sits behind her in class took his pen and poked her with it and Mary jumped up and yelled "God almighty" and the teacher told her it was correct.

 

A little while later the teacher asked her another question "Mary, who is our lord and saviour?" again Mary never answered so Johnny poked her with his pen again and Mary jumps up and yells "Sweet Jesus!!" the teacher told her it was correct so Mary went back to sleep.

 

The teacher her asked her a 3rd question, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?" So one last time Johnny pokes Mary with his pen one last time, but this time Mary jumps up and yells "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it in half and stick it up your ass!!"

 

The teacher fainted.

A local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

'He's a funeral director,' she answered.
'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.

I've gone and did a search ........

 

Japanese authorities have banned the movement of all animals after the discovery of several nibbled sofabeds in Tokyo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's feared this may indicate an outbreak of Futon Mouse disease.