The Neverending Thread |
Post Reply | Page <1 1314151617 173> |
Author | ||||
thepits
Moderator Group Joined: 09-July-2003 Location: far far away Status: Offline Points: 10000473 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
But not - as he revealed recently on TV |
||||
Cats know your every thought.
But don't care. |
||||
Sponsored Links | ||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
A rabbit walked into a restaurant with a lion.
The waiter seats them and asks the rabbit, "What will you have?" The rabbit says bring me a half a head of lettuce. The waiter looks at the lion and says; and what will he have? The rabbit says "The lion?" he's not eating". The waiter says "why? Isn’t he hungry?" Then the rabbit says "if he was hungry do you think I'd be here?" |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
thepits
Moderator Group Joined: 09-July-2003 Location: far far away Status: Offline Points: 10000473 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.
|
||||
Cats know your every thought.
But don't care. |
||||
thepits
Moderator Group Joined: 09-July-2003 Location: far far away Status: Offline Points: 10000473 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
|
||||
Cats know your every thought.
But don't care. |
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, 'Do you have a condom?' Donald frowned and said, 'No.' Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. 'Maybe they sell them at the front desk?' she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. 'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill? 'No! 'Donald quacked, What kind of a pervert do you think I am?' |
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Not sure if this has already been posted on here...but...click on 'begin' once page loads and see how many you recognise
http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/ Edited by Goldryder |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
A local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. 'He's a funeral director,' she answered. 'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, later on a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go. |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
nero
Moderator Group Just call me Tripod Joined: 15-October-2002 Location: Scotland Status: Offline Points: 3131 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
|
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
I've gone and did a search ........
Japanese authorities have banned the movement of all animals after the discovery of several nibbled sofabeds in Tokyo.
It's feared this may indicate an outbreak of Futon Mouse disease. |
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds. "How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. Silence took over ... and the masochist says: "Meow." |
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
nero
Moderator Group Just call me Tripod Joined: 15-October-2002 Location: Scotland Status: Offline Points: 3131 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
[I need to be careful how I reply to this, in case I get categorised ] Brilliant, I had a really good laugh, trying to match the Warriors to forum members Welcome back to the forum G |
||||
|
||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again." |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
thepits
Moderator Group Joined: 09-July-2003 Location: far far away Status: Offline Points: 10000473 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
yeh, but that's in the Irish forum - who reads that |
||||
Cats know your every thought.
But don't care. |
||||
thepits
Moderator Group Joined: 09-July-2003 Location: far far away Status: Offline Points: 10000473 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
OFFS - can it get any worse? And no Jack - that WASN'T a challenge |
||||
Cats know your every thought.
But don't care. |
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Little Mary was never good in Sunday School, so she decided to sleep through class, but one day the teacher asked her a question "Mary who created the universe?" Mary never moved from her deep sleep, so Johnny a little boy who sits behind her in class took his pen and poked her with it and Mary jumped up and yelled "God almighty" and the teacher told her it was correct. A little while later the teacher asked her another question "Mary, who is our lord and saviour?" again Mary never answered so Johnny poked her with his pen again and Mary jumps up and yells "Sweet Jesus!!" the teacher told her it was correct so Mary went back to sleep. The teacher her asked her a 3rd question, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after they had their 23rd child?" So one last time Johnny pokes Mary with his pen one last time, but this time Mary jumps up and yells "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time I'm gonna break it in half and stick it up your ass!!" The teacher fainted. |
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway
when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts,which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder? again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.? She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "why don't you eat the peanuts yourself? "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them." It pays to be careful around old people. |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor Illegitimi Non Carborundum Joined: 02-April-2004 Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire Status: Offline Points: 5301 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Allegedly a true story:
July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, 'that's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,' were televised to earth and heard by millions. But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark 'good luck, Mr. Gorky.' Many people at NASA though it was a casual remark concerning some rival soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the 'good luck, Mr. Gorky'... statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled. On July 5,1995, in Tampa Bay,Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. In 1938 when he was a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbour's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbours were Mr. and Mrs. Gorky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorky shouting at Mr. Gorky. 'Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!' |
||||
October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise |
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
I cant resist a challenge!
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, “Okay, let’s get out and get him.” After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, “The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?” The guy in the front said, “Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself.”
|
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
Jack735
Bavarian-Board Contributor Joined: 14-September-2005 Location: Edinburgh Status: Offline Points: 1055 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
The other night, my wife started moaning to me ...
"You never take me anywhere expensive anymore" I said "Come on then, grab your coat" Excitedly she said "Where are we going?" "The petrol station." I replied |
||||
Oooh, The machine of a dream, such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin', and the alloys all gleam, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, With my hand on your grease gun, Mmm it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my .......
|
||||
Peter H
Really Senior Member II Joined: 03-January-2004 Location: Worcestershire/Ost Bayern Status: Offline Points: 927 |
Post Options
Thanks(0)
|
|||
Yep, To true, seems like only yesterday! Only problem, have an A4 at moment |
||||
Das Wolperdinger
AHN-NYUNG-HEE GA-SEH-YO |
||||
Post Reply | Page <1 1314151617 173> |
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |