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Goldryder 
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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 Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:28 |
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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stephenperry
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Joined: 20-April-2004
Location: Elgin
Status: Offline
Points: 7213
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:26 |
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
in a similar vein... 
A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila. The bartender asks, "Why so many buddy?" The man replies, "I'm celebrating my first blow job". The bartender says, "Well hell, congratulations, I will give you one on the house for free." The man says, "No thank you, if the first 6 shots don't get the taste out of my mouth one more won't make a difference."
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2007 Ford Mondeo 2.0 TDCI Titanium X Auto
1983 Ford Sierra XR4i
2000 Alpina B10 3.3 #118
1999 BMW 323Ci
1995 BMW 318i SE
1994 Vauxhall Omega 2.0 GLS
1995 Ford Mondeo 1.8 LX
1990 Honda Concerto 1.6 EX
1986 Ford Orion 1.6 GL
1989 Ford Fiesta 1.1 Firefly
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daddy cool
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 27-October-2003
Location: Sussex
Status: Offline
Points: 691
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:08 |
nooooo ice cream is nice cream 
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e30 2.7 cab
e30 325i
e30 325 sport
e30 318 touring
e28 m5
e28 m535
e34 m5
e39 540
e36 318ti (green)
e36 318ti (mauve)
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:07 |
Doesn't ice cream numb the senses though?
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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daddy cool
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 27-October-2003
Location: Sussex
Status: Offline
Points: 691
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:04 |
 stephenperry wrote:
reminds me of that joke with the girl and the ice cream cone... 
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do tell ?????
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e30 2.7 cab
e30 325i
e30 325 sport
e30 318 touring
e28 m5
e28 m535
e34 m5
e39 540
e36 318ti (green)
e36 318ti (mauve)
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daddy cool
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 27-October-2003
Location: Sussex
Status: Offline
Points: 691
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:01 |
Goldryder wrote:
And you blokes accuse us women of being bad drivers....tut tut tut tut
At least we keep our hands and eyes on whats important....
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it felt and looked pretty important at the time
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e30 2.7 cab
e30 325i
e30 325 sport
e30 318 touring
e28 m5
e28 m535
e34 m5
e39 540
e36 318ti (green)
e36 318ti (mauve)
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stephenperry
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Joined: 20-April-2004
Location: Elgin
Status: Offline
Points: 7213
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 16:00 |
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2007 Ford Mondeo 2.0 TDCI Titanium X Auto
1983 Ford Sierra XR4i
2000 Alpina B10 3.3 #118
1999 BMW 323Ci
1995 BMW 318i SE
1994 Vauxhall Omega 2.0 GLS
1995 Ford Mondeo 1.8 LX
1990 Honda Concerto 1.6 EX
1986 Ford Orion 1.6 GL
1989 Ford Fiesta 1.1 Firefly
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:59 |
And you blokes accuse us women of being bad drivers....tut tut tut tut
At least we keep our hands and eyes on whats important....
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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stephenperry
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Joined: 20-April-2004
Location: Elgin
Status: Offline
Points: 7213
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:57 |
ive nearly come a cropper on a number of occassions by gazing at pretty girls on the pavement... almost driving into one of those long overhang flatbed lorry trailers was a memorable example... 
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2007 Ford Mondeo 2.0 TDCI Titanium X Auto
1983 Ford Sierra XR4i
2000 Alpina B10 3.3 #118
1999 BMW 323Ci
1995 BMW 318i SE
1994 Vauxhall Omega 2.0 GLS
1995 Ford Mondeo 1.8 LX
1990 Honda Concerto 1.6 EX
1986 Ford Orion 1.6 GL
1989 Ford Fiesta 1.1 Firefly
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:56 |
erm.....well.....ummmmmm.....
Talk about almost getting caught with your trousers down....
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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daddy cool
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 27-October-2003
Location: Sussex
Status: Offline
Points: 691
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:54 |
i dont want to lower the tone here but i remember once having an ex g'friend who took it upon herself to ......erm.......erm....err.......give me pleasure once driving  i was enjoying it so much i didnt realise i'd slowed down from doin 80 odd on the m23 down to nearly 40mph !! luckily it was late and there wasnt too much traffic about or someone might well have slammed into the back of me causing her to involuntarily bite down
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e30 2.7 cab
e30 325i
e30 325 sport
e30 318 touring
e28 m5
e28 m535
e34 m5
e39 540
e36 318ti (green)
e36 318ti (mauve)
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:48 |
And there was I thinking that the average male driver gawks at a woman's chest when driving.....
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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stephenperry
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Joined: 20-April-2004
Location: Elgin
Status: Offline
Points: 7213
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:45 |
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2007 Ford Mondeo 2.0 TDCI Titanium X Auto
1983 Ford Sierra XR4i
2000 Alpina B10 3.3 #118
1999 BMW 323Ci
1995 BMW 318i SE
1994 Vauxhall Omega 2.0 GLS
1995 Ford Mondeo 1.8 LX
1990 Honda Concerto 1.6 EX
1986 Ford Orion 1.6 GL
1989 Ford Fiesta 1.1 Firefly
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Horsetan
Really Senior Member II
Say Neigh to Gatsos
Joined: 11-April-2003
Location: Please let it be Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 6381
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:38 |
Goldryder wrote:
I bet they all went to the loo at the sight of you coming straight for them....
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Never mind that. The colour of my driver's seat went from blue to brown.....
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:30 |
I bet they all went to the loo at the sight of you coming straight for them....
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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Horsetan
Really Senior Member II
Say Neigh to Gatsos
Joined: 11-April-2003
Location: Please let it be Ireland
Status: Offline
Points: 6381
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 15:28 |
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Many years ago when I had an Audi 90CD:
Taking my eyes off the road in St. Albans when spotting an elderly lady who appeared to be defecating in the street, mounting the pavement and making a bee-line for the queue standing at the nearby bus-stop.....
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stephenperry
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Joined: 20-April-2004
Location: Elgin
Status: Offline
Points: 7213
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 14:33 |
overtook two cars by using a right hand turn filter lane in a 40mph limit, out, passed the cars and back in before i hit the keep-left sign... all witnessed by an off duty policeman making his way to work...
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2007 Ford Mondeo 2.0 TDCI Titanium X Auto
1983 Ford Sierra XR4i
2000 Alpina B10 3.3 #118
1999 BMW 323Ci
1995 BMW 318i SE
1994 Vauxhall Omega 2.0 GLS
1995 Ford Mondeo 1.8 LX
1990 Honda Concerto 1.6 EX
1986 Ford Orion 1.6 GL
1989 Ford Fiesta 1.1 Firefly
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Goldryder
Bavarian-Board Contributor
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Joined: 02-April-2004
Location: Acomb, North Yorkshire
Status: Offline
Points: 5301
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 13:46 |
mell wrote:
gold u a lorry driver?
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I was until 1989. 
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October 2-6 2008 - Houston, Texas - Long Distance Wedding
March 15-April 1 2009 - Transatlantic Cruise
October 10-25 2009 - China, Korea, Taiwan & Japan Cruise
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mell
Really Senior Member II
Joined: 07-July-2004
Location: up in the clouds far far away
Status: Offline
Points: 3466
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 12:49 |
passed my test 2 weeks later wrapped my dads brand new cavalier off posts strainers and a telegraph pole doin a ton ten at the time,end result was a back to the future style car, well the wheels anyway,as u can imagine the car was written off but i walked out of it was very lucky as i wasnt wearing a seat belt,im alot older and wiser now 
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jonp
Senior Member I
Joined: 05-October-2003
Location: England
Status: Offline
Points: 145
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Posted: 08-October-2004 at 10:05 |
I raced an M5 once.... my 528 didn't do very well at all. No supprise really.
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Autos are easy. Its the steering thats hard.
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Silly things done while driving.....
